Disconnection

I remember not knowing what the internet was as a kid. In school when a teacher would pull up a web page or talk about emails I simply did not have a clue what it was. It was an unknown in my life and I never really put any thought into it. Of course now I am informed but even when I first figured it all out I still never wondered how exactly the internet functioned. Now I mostly focus on just how much I actually spend my time on the interwebs.
WiFi and cellphone data are what sustain my connection to the web world but recently I have been cut off from most of it. My family's WiFi has been shut off so I have been doing my best to survive. For a full week now there has been no online video game interaction between me and my friends, no Netflix, no nothing. I will admit that it isn't the most awful thing because I still have social media; but, my extra down time has forced me to do some thinking.
After some deep thought, I have come to the conclusion that I rely TOO much on the internet for my means of entertainment. Although, well, I actually already knew that. The point being is that without some of link to the internet in my daily life, I find that I almost have no interest in anything else.
Now I am not saying that I don't enjoy time outside with friends or family; but even when I am with these people I still check my phone regularly to view posts on Facebook and such. I can't even remember the last time I went a full day without it being associated in some small way with the internet. Just about every single morning I wake up and do a quick check on social media before getting up. Often times I will lay down even longer to stay on my phone. This isn't the biggest anomaly either because I know most of my friends or people around my age group are the exact same way. It is honestly normal for me to do that and for many other people.
You know actually most anybody in our day and age who owns a smartphone has behavior just like teenagers. Adults are hooked onto social media too. Is it a problem? Perhaps we are losing value in personal face-to-face action. Maybe it is the fact that the technology we have in modern society is taking such precedence that you can't ignore it. I guess you can't blame people for using the tools that are available for them.
Personally, I believe an appliance like WiFi will never be gone out of my life. For the plain fact that I love using it, and so do other people. It bums me out that I don't have a connection to any at the moment, but maybe it was right for me to really wonder why I felt so withdrawn and “disconnected” without it.

All the small things

I don't travel ever. The farthest I've gone out in years has only been the Phoenix area and that isn't very often. In fact my last big trip before this spring break was to California in the 7th grade. Only reason I was able to go was because my Grandfather died and we had some money he left behind. But the 7th grade was a very long time ago and I was an extremely different kid back then.
To clarify, I was still young. I didn't appreciate many things. Wasn't until my Grandfather passed that life kind of got a little more real for me. But this isn't the point. Nowadays, I do a lot more thinking and reflection and I surprise myself by how much I appreciate the smaller things.
For example this past week on spring break, I spent the first half trapped inside my house. I felt like I was missing out on so much even though I knew there wasn't anything out there I was trying to find. So I did a lot of thinking and I found that there is an easier way for me to approach my boredom and imminent loss of sanity. I can sit there and wallow in my laziness or flip that and see it as if I'm accomplishing something. I watch ten episodes of a TV show, and I feel like I didn't completely waste all that time. A movie I have never seen before shows up on Netflix, and I watch it, then there is another film added to my repertoire of movie knowledge.
Although this blog isn't really about me not traveling, I did go somewhere just recently that helped me further appreciate the smaller things: The Grand Canyon.
The Canyon is in fact Grand, and truly did not seem to be real when I first gazed upon it. I wondered to myself what the first person to lay eyes upon it thought to themselves, because I was mesmerized. I probably could have stood there for hours just staring and pondering the many many years it took to create such a wonder on this planet, and how little time I have had here myself.
Because well, the way I see it, I have only been around for seventeen years of existence. That is absolutely microscopic compared to the entirety of Earth and the universe. I have sometimes struggled greatly with grasping the fact that I won't be around forever and that I feel I have wasted the time given to me. Even though I believe everything that has happened to me has occurred for some reason, I still feel gloomy about the subject.
I have never been certain about a lot of things, but over time I have come to realize that I cannot dwell on the past. What I really mean by this is that despite me never having the opportunities to travel, or never getting out on spring break, or so many other things I feel that I have missed, I can still hope for the future to bring to change to all of that. Instead of feeling bad about it, I need to be grateful of what I have done and what I do got. I appreciate the smaller things because compared to Earth, I am one of those smaller things and I don't got all the time in the world. (No pun intended)

Change

What I've questioned about myself for as long as I could remember are my physical attributes. How far can I run, how much can I lift, what can I throw. Just simple things that don't necessarily matter. But what bothers me the most is that I can't stop being critical of myself. This isn't about me trying to figure why I'm self conscious, just more of why it's taken me so long to actually want to do something about it.

I am absolutely in no way, shape, or form, athletic. What I actually am is: clumsy, uncoordinated, and unlucky. I once sprained an ankle throwing a football up in the air and stepping forward the wrong way trying to catch it. As a child, 80% of my injuries was simply from me being misfortunate. So, from that small background there, you can probably understand why I never played sports or anything of the like. I'm a homebody and kind of proud of it. I stay home where I am safe, comfortable, and definitely unhealthy. While I love being home, I never keep up with exercise or healthy eating habits. Not that I don't enjoy my lifestyle, again I question what I am really capable of if I never actually stay active or live healthily.

For my job I take out the trash and vacuum every single day. While the vacuuming is effortless, I sometimes struggle lifting the trash bags after filling them to the brim with waste. I find it so personally embarrassing that I pray nobody ever sees me. But what I am trying to say is that I think I am finally at a point in my life where I think I actually want to push myself to be fit.

Never, and I mean never, did I think I would actually strive for such a goal. My favorite thing to eat is Doritos and fast food keeps me alive every week. Although I am the skinniest guy I know, my metabolism most likely won't keep up forever. You know I used to believe going to the gym and getting buff and beefy was a joke for some reason. Now, I sometimes think I'm the joke. A change has to happen for me.

The truth is this change of mine won't be happening that soon. I hope to start being active in college and push myself to actually put on weight and work out. Motivation may or not be hard to find, but I know for fact that if I just get into a routine and stick to it I am for sure set.

Why this matters to me is that I feel like I ultimately have a goal now that is finally not directly connected to school or a video game. Something outside of all the boundaries I live in. This is an objective that isn't on Call of Duty™. This is for me.