What I've questioned about myself for as long as I could remember are my physical attributes. How far can I run, how much can I lift, what can I throw. Just simple things that don't necessarily matter. But what bothers me the most is that I can't stop being critical of myself. This isn't about me trying to figure why I'm self conscious, just more of why it's taken me so long to actually want to do something about it.
I am absolutely in no way, shape, or form, athletic. What I actually am is: clumsy, uncoordinated, and unlucky. I once sprained an ankle throwing a football up in the air and stepping forward the wrong way trying to catch it. As a child, 80% of my injuries was simply from me being misfortunate. So, from that small background there, you can probably understand why I never played sports or anything of the like. I'm a homebody and kind of proud of it. I stay home where I am safe, comfortable, and definitely unhealthy. While I love being home, I never keep up with exercise or healthy eating habits. Not that I don't enjoy my lifestyle, again I question what I am really capable of if I never actually stay active or live healthily.
For my job I take out the trash and vacuum every single day. While the vacuuming is effortless, I sometimes struggle lifting the trash bags after filling them to the brim with waste. I find it so personally embarrassing that I pray nobody ever sees me. But what I am trying to say is that I think I am finally at a point in my life where I think I actually want to push myself to be fit.
Never, and I mean never, did I think I would actually strive for such a goal. My favorite thing to eat is Doritos and fast food keeps me alive every week. Although I am the skinniest guy I know, my metabolism most likely won't keep up forever. You know I used to believe going to the gym and getting buff and beefy was a joke for some reason. Now, I sometimes think I'm the joke. A change has to happen for me.
The truth is this change of mine won't be happening that soon. I hope to start being active in college and push myself to actually put on weight and work out. Motivation may or not be hard to find, but I know for fact that if I just get into a routine and stick to it I am for sure set.
Why this matters to me is that I feel like I ultimately have a goal now that is finally not directly connected to school or a video game. Something outside of all the boundaries I live in. This is an objective that isn't on Call of Duty™. This is for me.
I respect your desire to become physically fit. I think that it's so cool when people gain a desire to change positively. It makes me feel good and want to look for ways I can set new goals in my life. I'll tell you what, the motivation is hard to find sometimes, but if it's something you want, you're gonna get it. Working out feels really good by the way!
ReplyDeleteI find it fascinating how someone with the exact opposite body type as me struggles in the same way I do. Although I’ve never really struggled lifting things, I've looked in the mirror and realized how unhealthy I am. I always used to believe I never needed a gym to stay healthy, but these past two years have shown me how wrong I am. But I believe what you and I have done is the first successful step: admitting there is a problem. As long as you identify it as a problem, you can subtly push yourself to become a healthier person. Simple things like drinking more water than soft drinks, hitting the gym, and not snacking on Doritos as much will help us in the long run, I guarantee it.
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy to hear this bud. You're awesome the way you are right now, but it would be interesting to see you healthy and fit. I love that you're completely honest about yourself though, that's an awesome trait to have. A lot of people couldn't admit the things you do. It's great to hear you know that you can't live off of spicy nacho Doritos too. Other than all the praise, I could relate to you, in a way. When I young, I was really fat and played baseball and football. Baseball is fine being fat, but I wanted to be a running back when I was 130 in the 5th grade and it didn't really hit home that I would have to put forth the extra effort and actually set goals to try and lose wait and get more in shape to reach my goal until the summer going into 8th grade. So I know how you feel to just be going along and not trying to be healthy, then just all the sudden wanting to be fit. You can do it bud
ReplyDeleteI could relate to your post so much. I have never been a healthy person and I have struggled with self image pretty much my whole life. And it wasn't until this year when I decided to accept myself instead of criticizing myself did I see a change. I believe full and well you can be physically fit.
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