I have existed nearly 18 whole years of life upon this planet. By most other people's standards, I have had quite the uneventful life. What I have always enjoyed is staying indoors with a TV screen in front of me watching or playing something. I have maybe left the state of Arizona four times. Never been on an airplane or seen the ocean. I haven't done a lot of things, and there are many things I regret. For being so young, I feel like I have done so little with my time; yet I still want to do more. I am proud to say this today because this was not who I always was.
Just a couple of years ago, I use to let myself hold on to regret so much it would hold me back from life itself. I couldn't enjoy anything because I forced myself to believe I wasn't allowed to because of my mistakes. For example, after the passing of my grandfather I realized I had forgone massive amounts of time that could have been spent with him. I regretted not being around him more, and it made me hate myself so very much because of my sadness over his passing. This frustration and anger also ruined my perspective on life itself, as I started to believe that my bad karma for not spending enough time with my grandfather would follow me until my own death.
I can thankfully say that is not the kind of person I am now. Although it has taken large amounts of time, I have truly changed myself for the better with the help of my girlfriend and family. But what I still cannot say for myself, is that I don’t feel regret over wasted time.
This feeling constantly looms over me as it were some incurable disease. Because it seems to me that I have missed out on a lot of things since that my habits have always consisted of life indoors. I couldn't tell what exactly I have missed; but I can tell you how much I wish I had decided to walk out of my front door more often. I am not saying I haven't had my fair share of great memories with friends; but I will never know what else I could have experienced had I decided to be more adventurous.
After all of the lessons and advice I have heard, it is apparent to me that the only way to make a difference in how I feel about my life and what I have or haven't done is to look only forward. I can't stay stuck on constant anxiety over my troubles or my stress. Hanging back and doubting myself isn't an option. Sure I haven't had the most extravagant life so far; but the only way to get to that point in which I feel I have had a more memorable experience in life, is to actually start doing instead of waiting. My message to everyone is that no matter what you want for yourself, you cannot hold regret or frustration over your past. The only way to progress is to live and learn from everything that happens to you. To reach the point where you're actually happy starts with you understanding that you command your life and what you do with it.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Final thought
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The past is the past, it is over with and there is no getting it back. You are the oldest you’ve been yet the youngest you will ever be again so you need to embrace that and move forward and live today as you would have lived the past.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to you on the part where you say you regret not spending time with your grandpa, I always busy did not as well get to spend as much time as I would have liked with my papa. His death being a surprise didn’t help he was 66 years old and was of great health, he just had a heart attack something that is seeming to be passed down in my family. I say I would go back and spend more time when really the events I was in he would come and watch, I created him to come watch. I cannot dwell and say what I could have done like you are saying for there is no time for regret. If I was to die at the same age as my grandpa I have less than 50 years of life left, you have to use it all up.
You're totally right bud. If you're here, it doesn't matter how you got here, as long as you're here. That's how i see it. I hold on to regrets and stupid things i've done for a long time. But once i let them go, they usually don't come back and I am so grateful for that. You really need to live for the now, not wasting time on focusing on the past and that's super hard, but i know that it is beneficial. Spend time with people you care about too. You never know when they'll be gone, kind of like us right now. You'll be gone soon, real real soon, and it sucks when you can't spend as much time as you wanted
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting blog to read. I relate to this, I'm the same way. I tend to let the littlest of things completely affect me. I tend to have a negative outlook on the world and seem to always focus on the bad things that happen, while there is many great things that happen, and wondefil oprotunities. I can learn from this blog and try to let go of things I hold on to, and try to be a happier person overall. There's still time for you Isaac! You're still super young, and moving to flagstaff and starting a new chapter in your life you will have many amazing experiences to come. I hope you and Shay have a good time!
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