Excuses

Excuses are made everyday. For big and small things. You make an excuse to miss a movie with a friend because you didn't feel like getting up out of bed. Or maybe you made an excuse to get out of spending time with family because you had a season of your favorite show to watch. Now I don't think excuses are necessarily always bad or used for the wrong reasons. Perhaps you avoided your friend's request because you preferred to be alone for the night. Other possible scenarios that could come up you might make an excuse for just about any reason you can produce; but how long before you are making them up for everything, and you hardly know why?
I will admit my guilt in this. Hundreds upon hundreds of times I have made excuses for so many possible things. It had gotten to a point where I wasn't enjoying my normal life as I avoided everything. I had nobody to blame but myself, and I would still try to justify my excuses with more excuses.
It mostly started out when I was younger and I had just discovered just how much I loved video games. Making myself believe I had no time for anything else but games, I stopped myself from going outside into the world around me. For years this continued and my only aspirations in life were focused around video games. I did well in school for the sole fact that if I completed homework and stayed out of trouble, I could focus more on video games. It was a heavy addiction to say the least. My family despised it as they would have to force me out of the house to do anything at all. I regret this period of my life greatly, mainly because it damaged relations with loved ones and my self esteem levels went down since I believed the only thing I was good at was video games.
When I got older, I started to make more elaborate excuses to not hang out with friends and family. This was not always directly related to my addiction, it was the fact that I had never broken my habit of making excuses to avoid time outside of my home. I felt safe and less susceptible to embarrassment inside my room. (Embarrassment by the way is another reason I strayed away from the outside world.) There was a period of my life spanning maybe a year where I spent no time with anybody due to my fear of embarrassment. There was also a summer which was spent indoors because I couldn't handle being involved outdoors.
Regardless of whatever reason I had or what excuse I made, all I am left is with questions with just about zero answers. Why didn't I spend more time with my grandfather before he passed? How come I avoided those summer days with friends? Why did I spend 60% of my high school life voluntarily locked away? Although I don't dwell on my past as much as I used to, I hold deep remorse for all the time I have given up in my lifetime.
Even though there is nothing changeable about any of my past life, at least now I understand that letting in risk and change isn't always so deplorable. I’ve learned there has to be a balance as you can’t always distance yourself from the world around you. I have Shay to praise for that as she truly changed my life towards the better. And I will admit I still make excuses just like everybody; however, never again shall I let them control my life because I know for sure that I am control.